Disagreements and arguments in front of children

I was having an argument with my husband when he was driving us to the mall.  As soon as he dropped us, I realised Vaylene was crying while saying she miss Papa. Instantly I felt bad and selfish for having done so. I felt the need to do more research and reading on this topic. So why is it arguing in front of our children isn't good for them.

As a couple I personally think that it is okay to get into argument in order to keep and to stay in a healthy relationship. Surprisingly what I found in some articles especially this article from the Guardian saying "TV presenter believes it is good for offspring to witness arguments as it shows them how 'real' relationships works", says a Daily Mail headline over an article in which Briton says that couples who don't row are "boring", and that she is glad her children witness this normal part of a "real" relationship.

'Certainly there will be disagreements in any relationship. No two individual are alike so they will never have the same perspective in every issue. Disagreements are indeed "real", and negotiations and compromise are the reality when people try to live together harmoniously - that's not in question. However, the key to a healthy relationship, one where problems get solved and one that benefits the children, is how disagreement are handled not whether they exist.'

I couldn't agree more on this sentence when the articles is written like this

'When we get angry and involve in 'heated' exchanges, we lose control of ourselves. We give ourselves permission to release negative emotion without regard to the effect it will have on anyone watching. We don't mind if we hurt the person whom we're arguing - in face we may deliberately wish to do so. And we aren't trying to give solution that gave rise to the argument in the first place, because we can't be rational problem-solvers when we're overwhelmed by emotions.'

Most of the times when we are arguing on a certain issue in the first place. We got carry away and when our conversation get deeper and longer we tend to bring in more and more issues in the argument without solving the problem for the initial cause.

There are 4 messages that the children will take away if we are having an argument without solving the issue.

First, the most important message that they see their parents are either not well able to control their emotions or they don't care if the negativity they're releasing distresses anyone watching them. This can make them feel anxious and unimportant.

Second, children will get the idea of it is completely unnecessarily to bother with self-control. This will encourage children to act impulsively rather than rationally.

Third, responding to you own discomfort immediately is more important than thinking bout solving the problem that upset you.

Lastly, it doesn't matter if you think only of your own needs and ignore the discomfort of others. This will encourage children to behave selfishly and may limit the friendships they can keep.

This is a good read for me.

Sources from the Guardian: Why arguing in front of the kids isn't good for them - or you by Linda Blair.