Disagreements and arguments in front of children

I was having an argument with my husband when he was driving us to the mall.  As soon as he dropped us, I realised Vaylene was crying while saying she miss Papa. Instantly I felt bad and selfish for having done so. I felt the need to do more research and reading on this topic. So why is it arguing in front of our children isn't good for them.

As a couple I personally think that it is okay to get into argument in order to keep and to stay in a healthy relationship. Surprisingly what I found in some articles especially this article from the Guardian saying "TV presenter believes it is good for offspring to witness arguments as it shows them how 'real' relationships works", says a Daily Mail headline over an article in which Briton says that couples who don't row are "boring", and that she is glad her children witness this normal part of a "real" relationship.

'Certainly there will be disagreements in any relationship. No two individual are alike so they will never have the same perspective in every issue. Disagreements are indeed "real", and negotiations and compromise are the reality when people try to live together harmoniously - that's not in question. However, the key to a healthy relationship, one where problems get solved and one that benefits the children, is how disagreement are handled not whether they exist.'

I couldn't agree more on this sentence when the articles is written like this

'When we get angry and involve in 'heated' exchanges, we lose control of ourselves. We give ourselves permission to release negative emotion without regard to the effect it will have on anyone watching. We don't mind if we hurt the person whom we're arguing - in face we may deliberately wish to do so. And we aren't trying to give solution that gave rise to the argument in the first place, because we can't be rational problem-solvers when we're overwhelmed by emotions.'

Most of the times when we are arguing on a certain issue in the first place. We got carry away and when our conversation get deeper and longer we tend to bring in more and more issues in the argument without solving the problem for the initial cause.

There are 4 messages that the children will take away if we are having an argument without solving the issue.

First, the most important message that they see their parents are either not well able to control their emotions or they don't care if the negativity they're releasing distresses anyone watching them. This can make them feel anxious and unimportant.

Second, children will get the idea of it is completely unnecessarily to bother with self-control. This will encourage children to act impulsively rather than rationally.

Third, responding to you own discomfort immediately is more important than thinking bout solving the problem that upset you.

Lastly, it doesn't matter if you think only of your own needs and ignore the discomfort of others. This will encourage children to behave selfishly and may limit the friendships they can keep.

This is a good read for me.

Sources from the Guardian: Why arguing in front of the kids isn't good for them - or you by Linda Blair.

Part 01 - KL and Hong Kong

We took Firefly to Subang. Initially we were planning to stay at my sister house around before our next flight to Hong Kong. However, both of her sons were down with chicken pox. We have to book hotel near Subang with last minute deal. Staying at Subang Empire hotel which i think is not bad at all. Obviously right next to it is the Empire shopping mall. Go shopping in a second. =P Their swimming pool is a little bit different though. Children are not allowed. You have to walk a little farther to the shopping building, and access through fitness first gym. I met my sister and we chat for as long as we possible can, updating ourselves with juicy stories.

Next day, my bro in law came to fetch us to airport. Sadly my sister can't join because has to look after her 2 kids. We went to ss13 for breakfast. Yummy beef noodle and wantan mee. The best of all is the kopi beng! I miss that so much.

while waiting in KLIA

We touched down Hong Kong at 5:30PM. Took the all-time-famous red taxi. Seriously, this taxi driver has a potential to be cast in too fast too furious. Driving with that speed and put on slumber face, no joke. We got to Dorsett Mongkok hotel in one piece. Checking in hotel experience was a little unpleasant. The receptionist in the front desk never greet you properly, not even a smile. Trying to keep a positive mind, we both advised ourselves may be this lady was having a bad day at work. I was surprised to see the room. very very small according to my husband. We're having hard time to put our luggage. May be this is already the standard size in Hong Kong. We went out to hunt for dinner after taking our rest.

The next day, we're hunting for Kaw Wah cafe for their famous Polo Bun. Unfortunately when we were there, the pork polo bun wasn't ready, the lady told us it is only be ready at 11am. We decided not to wait, so order the plain polo bun and egg tart. Taste wise I prefer our Rotiboy in Malaysia.

Walk along Fa Yuen street, many shops weren't open yet. The street is famous for sneakers and footwear. Few block from Fa Yuen street is Sai Yeung Choi street which is famous for trendy clothes.

When you're in Hong Kong, it is a must to try their dim sum. We went to DimDim Sum Dim Sum in Mongkok. I'm not sure whether it is us or it is the food. Leo and I think it was not salty enough compared to Kelana Jaya Dim Sum.

In the evening as I planned, we stop by Chanel store. I'm clueless on which store in Hong Kong does has classic mini rectangular flap bag in caviar. The nearest store is the Peninsula store, so i tried my luck there. I was approached by the saleslady when i got in. I straight away told her what and which item I was looking for. She told me there isn't any mini rectangular in Hong Kong anymore which strike me like lighting. Haihz. However, she reckon me another bag. It is seasonal flap bag, it comes in 2 sizes. I got myself a medium one since the price is just a little different from the small size. Furthermore Leo said the small one cannot fit a thing. Excitedly came out from the shop with the newly bought handbag. I am the happiest girl at that moment.

helpful staffs in the store

We thought of travel to Central in the beginning, partially is because I wanna visit Chanel store if in case there isn't anything in Peninsula. But since I have got my bag there so we cancel it. There are few to do list in central. One of it is to eat noodle and tomato soup with beef in Sing Heung Yuen.
We headed to Avenue of stars, sadly the area was under construction, they relocated to the opposite side and called it The garden of stars.

Next day off to sapporo!

Family travel

Three of us never travel far. The farthest we went is to Kota Bharu, Malaysia. I was a little bit nervous on this trip, thinking how it gonna turn out. Will Vaylene be ok? Can both of us handle Vaylene? How fun and smooth will this itinerary be.

This is my itinerary.

Day 01 (06 July) Kuala Namu Medan airport - Subang Jaya Sultan Aziz Shah airport
Day 02 (07 July) KLIA - Hong Kong international airport
Day 03 (08 July) Free and easy in Hong Kong
Day 04 (09 July) Hong Kong international airport - New Chitose airport, Sapporo.
Day 05 (10 July) Explore the city and visit Otaru canal
Day 06 (11 July) Asahiyama Zoo
Day 07 (12 July) Furano 
Day 08 (13 July) Leave Sapporo - Hakodate
Day 09 (14 July) Shin Hakodate - Toyama
Day 10 (15 July) Up to Tateyama mount.
Day 11 (16 July) Toyama - Takayama
Day 12 (17 July) Explore Takayama city
Day 13 (18 July) Takayama - Tokyo Disney resort hotel
Day 14 (19 July) Tokyo Disneyland
Day 15 (20 July) Tokyo Disneysea
Day 16 (21 July) Tokyo Disney resort Hotel - Shinjuku
Day 17 (22 July) Yokohoma Day trip
Day 18 (23 July) Shopping in Ginza
Day 19 (24 July) Narita airport, Tokyo - KLIA
Day 20 (25July) KLIA - Kuala Namu Medan airport

Writting the detail in another post

Easy on summer

Easy on summer

MANGO pocket t shirt
342.680 IDR - mango.com

Long shorts
395.420 IDR - hm.com

Chloé chloe flat
2.637.000 IDR - shop-hers.com

Chanel purse crossbody
49.868.040 IDR - farfetch.com

Cateye sunglasses
263.700 IDR - pixiemarket.com

Pump up

Getting back into shape. Signed up gym on May and now I'm very enthusiastic on workout. I have been and always are a sport person. Badminton is one of those sport that i took it seriously almost went to national stage. Sadly my dad didn't allow, longstory cut short. My dad priorities education more than anything in this world. However, my dad always can give me a logical reason why he didn't allow me to do this and that.
Today, I'm officialy took my Personal Training for 30 times. Work on progress.

Graduating Soon

It was around May 2014 I enrolled Vaylene, schooling in Playgroup. She was only 17 months then when she started in Pre Nursery 1. We didn't join and attend the first graduation because I personally felt that she was still too small to perform, besides I think she would probably ended up with crying during the whole show rather than having fun.

This coming May 2015, Vaylene will finish her Pre nursery 2 and the gradution is on 30th May. Each class will perform on the ceremony. I am clueless on what will she perform, but what I am sure is that this one year schooling has turned her into a very cheerful, fearless and confident little girl. Really looking forward to her performance.

On preparing her graduation, the school required the children to attend the ceremony with a lace dress and cowboy boots. For her dress, all the class mommiies agreed to custom make the dress with one design. That part I can leave it to the professional to handle it. The only thing I need to do is to find her footwear. After long search and limited selection, I came across with this australian brand, Coogee. Cute and comfortable shoes for kids. I bought baby musician Sandy for Vaylene. The little boots in red is cute too.

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Recent Obsession

This Chanel chevron classic flap bag in medium size has caught my attention since I saw it on the famous fashion blogger Garypeppergirl aka Nicole Warne instagram. However this particular one is not avalaible in the Chanel store anymore (according to my friend). So I thought it might not meant for me then. Trying hard to forget 'bout it until recently Chanel launched their spring-summer 2015 collection, only that it is avalaible in black hardware.

To be honest, I wasn't familiar with Chanel so I did a lot of research on what size to get, what material to have and what kinda hardware is best to keep. I found Jean from extrapetite introducing and educating about chanel classic flap bag very useful. A few youtube research from Bag Lush and video on how to pack your Chanel flap bag from JerushaCouture is very helpful either.

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(photo credit google.com)

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(photo garypeppergirl)

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(lovely handbag garypeppergirl)